I came so close today- to deleting my website, the Etsy shop, my blog, the Instagram- the Facebook artist page, and I think the last to go would be LinkedIn. (Has anyone ever really gotten a job from them?) I would keep my Facebook personal page because of friends and family (I reckon). And probably my Twitter too because no one really looks at that and it’s mainly a venue for bitter political trolling comments.
Ah– to quit the whole deluded art career sham of a dream. Just to succumb to the failure. It’s not like I would quit making art, that will never happen. But it would relieve the pressure of trying to sell, exhibit, promote, apply- which is all at a rate of about 95% rejection and failure.
How liberating would this be? I’m just going through the motions anyways and it feels pretty meaningless.
So I looked into it and found out how to to delete all of these internet self-promotional things- just in case. How to close shop, delete- permanent resolution.
I couldn’t do it today. My God, why even paint something if I couldn’t post it on Instagram and get some likes? See how deluded the process has become for me? Wow.
Still just thinking about it feels freeing.
Someone said recently that art is the only thing left worth doing during these times and they may have a point.
So, here is my one monthly blog post that I’ve committed to doing. For now, until I delete the whole blog.
Please spare me the encouraging comments- don’t give up on your dreams or whatever. I ain’t feeling it today. Plus, I have bigger dreams that the elusive and fickle art world, believe you me.
There are bigger problems in the world than my own wounded ego and lack of financial success.