I Quit, Maybe

I came so close today- to deleting my website, the Etsy shop, my blog, the Instagram- the Facebook artist page, and I think the last to go would be LinkedIn. (Has anyone ever really gotten a job from them?) I would keep my Facebook personal page because of friends and family (I reckon). And probably my Twitter too because no one really looks at that and it’s mainly a venue for bitter political trolling comments.

Ah– to quit the whole deluded art career sham of a dream. Just to succumb to the failure. It’s not like I would quit making art, that will never happen. But it would relieve the pressure of trying to sell, exhibit, promote, apply- which is all at a rate of about 95% rejection and failure.

How liberating would this be? I’m just going through the motions anyways and it feels pretty meaningless.

So I looked into it and found out how to to delete all of these internet self-promotional things- just in case. How to close shop, delete- permanent resolution.

I couldn’t do it today. My God, why even paint something if I couldn’t post it on Instagram and get some likes? See how deluded the process has become for me? Wow.

Still just thinking about it feels freeing.

Someone said recently that art is the only thing left worth doing during these times and they may have a point.

So, here is my one monthly blog post that I’ve committed to doing. For now, until I delete the whole blog.

Please spare me the encouraging comments- don’t give up on your dreams or whatever. I ain’t feeling it today. Plus, I have bigger dreams that the elusive and fickle art world, believe you me.

There are bigger problems in the world than my own wounded ego and lack of financial success.

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Happy New Year 2019

So far this year, I am in the process of decluttering my box room studio and maximising work space.

Those of you who struggle with clutter, you know that this is not an easy task and I am having to do it in small bursts of activity. I’ve only lived in the UK for 8 years and I am amazed at the amount of stuff I have collected.

As an artist, I tend to not want to throw away any packaging or random objects with the intentions of making stuff out of it.  However, I have now consciously made the decision that since I work at home and the fact that my studio is the size of a walk in closet, I must limit my media to painting, drawing or collage on paper and canvas, photography, video and music.

While cleaning, I found this series from 2012. I had them wrapped up safely with old shower curtains, plastic bags and bubble wrap.

This series reminds me of seeing a place with fresh eyes and mystery, along with expressing my inner world of emotions, unconscious thoughts and desires.

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Commercial Ventures into Christmas Stall Land

For those who lament that they can’t afford my work- shurrup and show up with your pound coins!

Thanks to the generosity of Middlesbrough Council, I am selling my makes at a Christmas Stall in the town centre on Dec. 8th-10th. I am working my fingers to the bones, hand painting cards, bookmarks, sketchbook covers (on blank A5 Cass Art sketchbooks) and postcards.

Those who know me, know I am obsessed with doing everything by hand, though there will be some limited small prints for sale.

I am also keeping everything very affordable from £2-18.50. Yeah, I know I won’t get rich doing this, but I might break even in art supplies and that would be good.

Most things will be Robot themed with a few Death Out and Abouts.

I am also making a limited range of Holiday cards which seem to have a theme of 50’s mod style cats or Sci-fi. Then there are the Krampus cards, which are scarily delightful.

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I may be an amateur artist, but my work is as good as any professional.

Today I accept that I am an amateur. Why? – because I don’t have the motivation, influence, connections or luck to make a living as an artist, selling my art.

Today, I am not willing to do what it takes on the business side of things.

Really, I am just interested in making things when I want to, or expressing myself through visual art when I have to.

Today I give up on being a professional artist. Today I embrace being an amateur.

I used to feel insulted when people called my art amateur. Not anymore, because I am still an artist and my work is as good as any professional.

I will still try to sell things when I can and promote myself, but I can’t do it full time because I would starve to death and be homeless. I need to be honest with myself about this- it might never happen, this professional artist thing. I need to let it go, just for today. I like having a day job and enjoy having a roof over my head and some food in the fridge (mainly beans and rice).

I will still have to file self-employment, self assessment tax with HMRC. Just because I am an amateur doesn’t mean I might not sell something, mainly my soul to the devil on the crossroads to survive in this world. Of course I will declare this.

Enough of my rambling- let’s look as some art.

Here is a series of mixed-media pieces I made for our show ‘Face of the Other’.

These pieces were created specifically for the show. They include collaged letters from p.a. morbid and myself from 2008-2010. They also include personal photos and drawings, along with images and text from film magazines of the 1970s. The semi-abstract faces represent the strangeness of falling in love with someone you have never met in person, someone who is somewhere so utterly different.

 

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